Can't sleep!

I have realized tonight that I am a glutton for punishment. I have been sitting here at the computer for hours reading about all these parents losses! I have been bawling my eyes out and I can't seem to stop! For every one link of love and loss there are five more. I have all to often wondered recently what I did to deserve my luck. I have three wonderful children who I all to often take for granted. I grieved hard over the loss of a very early miscarriage and there are all these women who have had to hold their babies as they go to meet Our Father. I just can't imagine. I love God and I believe that there is a reason for everything, but I'm not sure I could survive losing one of my kids. They are my life, the reason I get out of bed, the reason I carry on! So as I read these stories and move onto the next I feel like if I don't keep going I am dishonoring these poor babies and their parents.

Yes I realize that I need help most days! :)

I want so badly to be as strong as these women. I want so badly to be as good a mother as I know that these women would be given the chance. They only got to love and their love is so pure and unfailing. Their faith, extraordinary!

I feel like a sad excuse for a mother most days. What makes a mother Great? I wish I knew. I know it involves patience which is why I am sure I may never fall into the great category. I worry every day that I am teaching my three kids to be horrible parents and I want nothing more then to be a good role model for them, to lead them in the right direction so that this bad parenting won't filter down another generation!!